I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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