I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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