he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Someone signed my nipple.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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