angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
