hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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