Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
