goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
