Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
