I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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