Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
