no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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