I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
