explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
