my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
