You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
