WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
