I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
