hotel room ftw
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
