So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
