I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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