My Higher Power is John Stamos
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
