do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
