READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize