did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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