An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
