i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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