What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
