i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
