You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize