You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your penis caused this!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
