GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
