I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
