so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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