She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im part way to drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
