possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize