I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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