oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
