dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Randomize
