She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
