Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

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(909): View more from California

According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

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(757): View more from Virginia

Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

They were assless. I wore assless football pants.

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(631): View more from New York

We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now

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