Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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