6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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