Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
