yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
