Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
