did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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