So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
