What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So apparently I’m into choking now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
