This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
