what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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