everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
