Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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