Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
