Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
