It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
