Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
