he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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