it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
