The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
