Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
