Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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