turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
MIDGETS
????
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
