I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
