After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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