Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
