i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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